I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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