I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
