I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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