Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
