mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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