I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
