can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize