what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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