i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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