I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
