your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
