that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
