just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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