you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
