I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
