They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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