was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
