I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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