so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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