oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
