Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
