just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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