If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
