The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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