i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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