is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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