They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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