1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
