I wish I could teleport
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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