My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
