She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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