winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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