White coat. Heels.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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