If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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