i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
