Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
