Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
