there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
