Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
