I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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