I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
