You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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