I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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