I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
