His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
