Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
