Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
