We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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