So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize