so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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