I just threw up on my dentist
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
