would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
