the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
