Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
