She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
