i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
