You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
