i permit you to call me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
