We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
