How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
