So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
