I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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