Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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