my vag is so smooth its legendary
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
