ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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