didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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