I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
