Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
