I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
