Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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