I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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