brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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