Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
