I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize