Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
