like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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