got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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